Friday, August 18, 2006

He Who Smelled It, Dealt It

A funny saying, but I am coming to see the truth in it.
I have always considered myself a strongly analytical person, able to spot bullshit and point it out.
What I am coming to realize through a great deal of soul-searching, is how I have missed spotting the bullshit in myself. I smelled it, but didn't realize how much I have dealt it.
In recent months I have characterized a new executive at my former company as "the ultimate handjob" -- someone who spent all day jacking off and, when he came all over his hand, thought he was discovering something profound.
Man, is that a description of the person I have been.
In the past few days, as I struggled with resigning my position and accepting a new challenge, I have come to realize how much of my job I have done "in my sleep" for the past couple of years, and how little I have challenged myself. If that's not a handjob, I don't know what is.
So many of us go on autopilot in our lives. I have done that in my marriage, in my parenting, in my friendships as well as in my career.
Could I have reached this realization and made a go of it in my previous job?
Probably. And I would have had to deal with an enormous amount of baggage that I carried with me every day.
Taking on a new challenge forces me to confront several major fears -- of change, of risk, of not being good enough. By changing jobs, I have no choice but to confront all of this in myself and to work my ass off at accepting change, confronting risk, rising to the occasion.
We all make choices in our lives. What I am seeing today is that whatever choices we make -- and whether others see them as good or bad, wise or foolish -- we can make them work for us if we are willing to confront fears and face up to the challenges.
That's what I start doing right now.
Here's to the future.