Monday, October 30, 2006


Two months into a new job and I'm back into my old ways big-time.
Nothing's really changed except I'm not living up to my "potential" in a new setting.
Yes, I'm collecting my salary. I'm coming through on the small things.
But I am holding back. I'm not pushing what I really want because I still lack confidence in my ideas.
What is the risk for me?
Not much.
I'm losing respect and self-respect on a daily basis the way things are.
Why not push into a chancy area?
Why not insist on getting things done my way?
Why not learn?
The evidence is all there that when I do absorb something new and test it out, it goes over well. I am a learning creature and a persuasive one at times, just not consistently.
How can I get to the point where I am pushing something new every day, making it go there into the unknown?
What do I have to lose? My job? Am I not kind of trying to do that anyway?
Why not go out in a blaze?